Long Overdue Gumption

Am I satisfied? 

Am I comfortable? 

Am I too comfortable? 

Alright... am I happy? 

Ruminating over the pathway to finding the answers to those questions seems healthy. Always questioning the decisions you make so that you are situating yourself to be in the best possible version you can be seems therapeutic. 

Smelling the sweet scent of reality comes with an internal conflict. 

I've made the adult decision to take care of myself for once. I've made this decision many times before, but half-heartedly followed through.

In the past, I tended to run away from issues — avoiding phone calls and ignoring emails. I always found an escape route, dropped a grenade down the hole, closed it, and walked away, neglecting the unresolved problems. 

I could have continued this way, but to be honest, I am afraid.

I've played a risky game my entire life, but I don't think this new world will continue to accommodate me if I keep this up.

We all have aspirations, whether they involve grandeur, gluttony, or simply comfort. Then we enter the real world and realize it’s not so easy to achieve our goals.

I think we understand this, yet few of us are genuinely prepared to navigate the challenging path required to reach those aspirations. Yes, the system may be tougher now than it was in the past, but it's probably not in anyone's best interest to get caught up in that. 

The things I keep hoping for aren't happening because I'm not taking action. I am expecting results instead of actively pursuing them.

I'm going to continue what I have already been doing, but I need to do it from a place of stability. 

I found myself limiting the growth of what I'm passionate about because I was worried about everything else. 

While instability can inspire creative writing and jokes, stability will help me convey the message I truly want to share in a clearer way. 

I’m not entirely sure what stability looks like, as I haven’t experienced it in my adult life. 

I understand that the steps I’m taking are moving me in the right direction. I have a vision for what I want my life to be. 

Perhaps a reset is exactly what I needed — or maybe not. 

Regardless, I’m allowing myself the time to catch up, stepping away from the hustle for once, and giving myself a moment to breathe. 

I think I just need a fucking break.