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Quarter to Life

August 3, 2000. 2:22 PM. Twenty-five years later. Something about the quarter-life sentiment struck the fear of God in me. Am I really at my quarter-life point? My father — three strokes and two heart attacks before fifty. Still hanging in there, somehow. My father’s father died of a stroke before fifty. My father’s mother died before forty, of cancer. I’ve already had open-heart surgery. Sure, they had their vices: smoking, chewing, sitting around. I don’t remember my grandfather. I never met my grandmother. The only biological grandparent I have left is sitting in memory care. I want veins on my arms and legs. I want clear piss. No acne. A jawline.  When friends ask me to hike Mount Timpanogos, I don’t want to debate myself. I don’t want limits anymore. Being active has always been the solution to everything, so why the hell have I avoided it? I want to feel better. Look better. Live better. I want sex to be better. I just want to be better. The uncertainty of what’s ahead flippe...

Solipsism

Solipsism is the idea that the only thing one can be sure of is the existence of one's own mind. In this view, anything outside of it — the world, other people, even facts — is uncertain. Maybe even imaginary. Just representations in your head. To put it simply, you must see it to believe it.

Lately, I wonder if that’s where we are. As a culture. As a country.

Haven’t we had enough of the bullshit?

I’ve kept quiet for a long time. I used to avoid politics because I didn’t want to lose friends, or risk future jobs, or make anyone uncomfortable. I told myself it wasn’t worth it. That staying neutral was mature.

But now? I've never seen so much grossly negligent journalism in my life.

They throw fake statistics into headlines without hesitation. They cite “polls” with zero credibility. You expect me to believe that while Trump was ordering troops to California, someone had time to survey a thousand people about whether they think a civil war is coming?

It’s all keyword bait. “Civil War.” “World War 3.” “Arrest Newsom.” “Arrest Trump.” “Impeach.”

These aren’t headlines. They’re hooks. Because they know no one reads the articles anymore. No one’s fucking reading!

When’s the last time we saw a major journalism scandal? One where someone actually got held accountable for faking stories or running unchecked sources?

Why do we still put so much trust in these people? 

And by the way, almost every local paper is owned by a larger corporation. And that corporation usually has another one sitting above it, holding equity or setting the agenda.

We have access to more information than any generation before us. We can fact-check, cross-reference, and dig deeper. But instead, we let faceless writers with deadlines and quotas control the conversation.

News stopped being about uncovering the truth. It became about controlling the narrative.

There’s still some hope. Independent voices. Smaller outlets are trying to get it right.

But it’s not enough. Legacy media is too powerful, too embedded, and too easy to fall back on.

It bores the shit out of me. Numb to whatever “breaking news” hits next, because I just don’t believe it.

Where are the strong underground voices? The freedom fighters? The ones we’re supposed to look to when it’s time to push back?

Maybe they’re out there. But they’re not finding us, and we’re not finding them.

In a world where everyone’s trapped in their own feed, their own truth, their own version of reality — we’ve become solipsists without even realizing it.

And the worst part? We’ve started to like it that way.