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Long Overdue Gumption

Am I satisfied?  Am I comfortable?  Am I too comfortable?  Alright... am I happy?  Ruminating over the pathway to finding the answers to those questions seems healthy. Always questioning the decisions you make so that you are situating yourself to be in the best possible version you can be seems therapeutic.  Smelling the sweet scent of reality comes with an internal conflict.  I've made the adult decision to take care of myself for once. I've made this decision many times before, but half-heartedly followed through. In the past, I tended to run away from issues — avoiding phone calls and ignoring emails. I always found an escape route, dropped a grenade down the hole, closed it, and walked away, neglecting the unresolved problems.  I could have continued this way, but to be honest, I am afraid. I've played a risky game my entire life, but I don't think this new world will continue to accommodate me if I keep this up. We all have aspirations, whether t...
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Moving Sideways

What brings two people together?

Similarities. Differences. Sexual appeal. Mental pull. Goals. Motivations. Inspiration. Convenience. 

The list goes on. But what can bring them together can ultimately tear them apart, no matter how strong or deep the underlying bond.

I understand now.

Two people. Neither has a grasp of what comes next. What they want. What they need.

Neither tethered to a goal worth chasing. Apathetic to the daily wake-up reminder to find purpose. Both conditioned themselves to keep their distance from people, from hope, out of instinct more than a choice. 

They met with recognition as opposed to passion. An understanding. Comfort in being with someone who gets you for you.

The days became the same. 

As one steps back and recognizes their potential for more, the other's nature overgrew and eventually balanced out. Not because they meant to. These things tend to happen when sedentary meets momentum. 

It's not "right place, wrong time." They were in the right place. They were at the right time. It just wasn't for reasons they understood at the time.

They didn't move forward or backward. 

Together, they moved sideways. 

This connection needed to happen. For both of them. 

It showed them what was real and what never was. It left them with something — perspective, maybe. Something to carry into whatever comes next.

They may still love each other. But it's different now. 

They may still find their way back to one another. But it's harder now.

One can only wish the other well. 

That is understanding. 

That is love.

"I no longer love her, that is certain, but maybe I love the pain of having loved her." - Franz Kafka