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Through a Mic (Updated)

One of the most humiliating moments of my life was in high school. It's a vivid nightmare I look back on when I think of public speaking. A crowd of my teammates and their families. Two hundred people. I had prepared a speech, but lost my confidence in the words I had written down. Fifteen-year-old me decided the best decision was to throw the paper away and riff. I opened the ceremony with, “I forgot my paper,” followed by “Give it up to the coaches,” and started the applause. I must have given out ten different moments of applause, all the way down to the cheerleaders, who weren’t even present. I was the captain. The leader of the team. I was clutch in big game moments, in front of thousands of people. But I choked during a simple end-of-year banquet speech. In college, I remedied this by taking a public speaking class. Bashing on the injustices of political discourse and failures of the justice system. When I was passionate, I prevailed. I rehearsed. Delivered. When I held frate...

Moving Sideways

What brings two people together?

Similarities. Differences. Sexual appeal. Mental pull. Goals. Motivations. Inspiration. Convenience. 

The list goes on. But what can bring them together can ultimately tear them apart, no matter how strong or deep the underlying bond.

I understand now.

Two people. Neither has a grasp of what comes next. What they want. What they need.

Neither tethered to a goal worth chasing. Apathetic to the daily wake-up reminder to find purpose. Both conditioned themselves to keep their distance from people, from hope, out of instinct more than a choice. 

They met with recognition as opposed to passion. An understanding. Comfort in being with someone who gets you for you.

The days became the same. 

As one steps back and recognizes their potential for more, the other's nature overgrew and eventually balanced out. Not because they meant to. These things tend to happen when sedentary meets momentum. 

It's not "right place, wrong time." They were in the right place. They were at the right time. It just wasn't for reasons they understood at the time.

They didn't move forward or backward. 

Together, they moved sideways. 

This connection needed to happen. For both of them. 

It showed them what was real and what never was. It left them with something — perspective, maybe. Something to carry into whatever comes next.

They may still love each other. But it's different now. 

They may still find their way back to one another. But it's harder now.

One can only wish the other well. 

That is understanding. 

That is love.

"I no longer love her, that is certain, but maybe I love the pain of having loved her." - Franz Kafka